Laurel's Story - one mum’s experience of “Pathways to Possibilities”
My name is Laurel Cohen and I am a working, married mother of four delightful children. My two eldest children, whom are both boys, have autism (ASD). William is nearly 17 and Robert is 6 and they are two peas in a pod. When I heard about the Pathways to Possibilities workshop 2 years ago, I was instantly interested. All the information that I can gather, and learn from, equips me with behaviour strategies and future planning for my boys. What was particularly attractive about this workshop was that it was not a one day wonder. It was advertised as running over a two month period for a whole day at a time.
On day one, it was marvellous to learn that all those hard earned capabilities and personal developments, grown out of the defence of and advocacy for our children, were finally given the praise and recognition that they rightfully deserved. As I glanced around the room, I could see so many parents’ faces light up with happiness because for the first time they themselves were seeing and acknowledging this personal growth. No one had ever pointed out to us this spin off from the effort and tactics (developed from trial and error) that we put into our every day lives. We dismiss it by saying, “well it’s for our children” But not every parent faces the day to day challenges that each parent in that room did. So the first session turned what we considered a negative into a much deserved positive. Another light came on further into the day. We all go through a cycle of emotions when our lives are constantly faced with so many challenges. Each of us could identify with this. But what resonated most was the insight into the state of resignation. This alone would have made the day worthwhile – finally knowing why we felt our energy being drained, our efforts futile and the depressing sense of deja vue when dealing with “the system”.
We learnt how to draw on our own and our shared experiences, to explore, create and envision possible plans of action. We identified and explored our children’s perceived negative and positive behaviour. I used the word perceived because this exercise taught me to reframe many so called “negative behaviours.” I’ll give an example of my own encounter. My son, William, has what I had thought was a bad habit, of taking over whenever he was with a group of children. School encouraged me to see this as bossy and alienating behaviour. However, in another context, eg the business world, this type of behaviour is considered as a desirable leadership trait. Another example, discussed by a parent at the workshop was that his son liked collecting catalogues. He could tell you the price of a huge range of products and he knew which brand was cheaper and a better buy. Through one lens this can be seen as non-productive, time wasting, compulsive and repetitive learnt behaviour. But through creative thinking and discussion we came to a conclusion that he could successfully gain employment in the area of marketing or even become a secret shopper!
As a group, we brainstormed all sorts of scenarios with this newly learnt technique and way of thinking. For example, William wanted to do Kung fu. Sounds straight forward enough, however, at the time, I didn’t have a car; I was very pregnant, I had two other children under 3 to care for and there was a matter of money to consider - and these were just my barriers! William, as I already mentioned, has autism, bringing an all together different set of problems to the equation. So we mapped it out. We put William in the centre of the map. From there we drew lines to other people/service providers in his life and then people that they knew and so on. We then all listed separately the service providers that the people in the room knew. This was hugely beneficial because there were services and people in our community willing to help that not only myself but a number of other parents/caregivers/service providers in the room were not aware of. So a possible solution appeared for my son William to attend Kung fu. This was followed up outside the work shop and William successfully attended Kung Fu. The training truly delivers on its title, “Pathways to Possibilities.”
Years later, I am still drawing on this valuable experience. I have in my journey used the strategies to plan pathways for myself (towards employment) for my family (our dream home) and for my sons with a disability. (education and career pathways) It has changed my life and gives me new hope for the days when things get to breaking point, yet again!